Memories
by MAKEoutXcore
Summary: Kurda was in love with Sivia. She remembers everything that they used to have. Takes place in book ten with flashbacks to other books.


**Memories**

"I still love you," Kurda whispered to me, "I never stopped."

"I never doubted it," I choked. I retreated from his hold, that I for so long wished to have felt again.

He turned to Darren.

"Take good care of her for me, won't you?"

"Of course, old friend."

"She can be a handful at times." He laughed quietly. It was pitiful to try to cover up the hurt with a joke, but we all laughed with him anyway.

"Luck, Darren Shan. Luck, Harkat Mulds."

"Luck," they repeated back to him.

"And luck to you, always." Kurda directed towards me.

"Luck, Kurda."

Des Tiny looked at his watch. He seemed amused by this. I hated him. I always held on to my humanity, or at least as much of it as I could. I gave people the benefit of the doubt and always believed that there was good in everyone. But Desmond Tiny was the exception. I hated him more than I've ever hated anyone. More than anything, I wanted him dead.

I looked back at Kurda. This would be the last time I would ever see him again.

"I'm sorry," he mouthed to me.

I closed my eyes, breathed in deep…

_"Kurda? Where are you?"_

_ I walked through the dark halls of Vampire Mountain, looking for Kurda Smalt, the soon-to-be Vampire Prince, with no luck._

_"Kurda? I give up, just come out already!"_

_Two icy cold hands grabbed me from behind and I shrieked._

_"Kurda! May you be struck down dead!"_

_He laughed._

_"Now, sweetheart we don't really want that, do we?"_

_I pulled away from him, fire in my eyes._

_"What makes you so sure?"_

_"Now, darling, you're hurting my feelings," he teased and kissed me lightly. I kissed him back, and he pulled me closer. We stood there in silence, until –_

_"Kurda! Larten Crepsley has arrived! Come quick, you're not going to believe this!" We looked up and saw Gavner Purl, a Vampire General standing before us._

_"I'm afraid…." He started._

_I silenced him. "Just go."_

_"After?" I nodded._

_His eyes were bright as he turned around and went with Gavner. I watched them as they walked away and smiled._

_"He's something, isn't he?"_

_I turned and saw Arra Sails, the toughest female vampire on Vampire Mountain._

_"Yeah," I said breathlessly, "Did you hear? Larten's back."_

_"Larten Crepsley!" Arra's face lit up, "Where is he?"_

_"I have no idea. Gavner and Kurda just left to greet him."_

_"Well, what are we waiting for?" She ran off after the General. I sighed and followed her. Arra was a no-nonsense person. She might have been my best friend on the mountain, but I still wasn't going to cross her. It was best to just go along with Arra without question._

_We rushed through the empty halls in search of our old friend. We hadn't seen Larten in years. He left to join the Cirque Du Freak years ago, after turning down the chance to be a General. No one had seen or heard from him since._

_We ran into the dining hall and there he was._

_"Larten!" I screeched as I ran and embraced him._

_"Sivia!" I drew back. "Beautiful as always."_

_I smiled and looked at the boy next to him._

_"Now, Larten, who's this?" Kurda inquired._

_The boy standing next to Larten looked worried. He was young, couldn't have been more than fourteen. His clothes were torn and his face smeared with dirt. He looked around at each of us nervously. When he got to me, I smiled and his face became more relaxed._

_"This is my assistant, Darren Shan," Mr. Crepsley answered plainly, while gesturing towards the boy._

_"Assistant! Are you mad? He's only a _child_!" Gavner sputtered._

_"I am fully aware of his age, Gavner," Larten answered coolly._

_"Has he been blooded yet?" Kurda asked._

_"Darren is a half vampire."_

_"Larten," Kurda started, "the Princes aren't going to like this."_

_"I'm sure they'll understand, given the circumstances…"_

_"Forget the circumstances! We have _rules_, Larten! Blooding him so young can only lead to trouble."_

_"Darren is a fully capable vampire! He knew what he was giving up, and under the circumstances, I had no choice!" He slammed his fist down, "These are matters to be discussed later, in private. As for now, we will eat, rest, and deal with our problems in the morning."_

_Kurda sighed and shook his head. It was useless to try to argue now, and besides, Larten was right. He and the boy had a long journey and they deserved a nice rest._

_I glanced up at the boy and saw him looking around nervously again. I'm sure our conversation worried him. I also had a suspicion that he really didn't know what he had given up._

_"Darren," Mr. Crepsley stated, "this is Arra Sails, Gavner Purl, Sivia Welsh, and Kurda Smalt."_

_"H-hi," The boy stammered. I smiled._

_"Pleasure to meet you, Darren." He looked up and beamed at me. "Have you eaten already?"_

_"Yes. Harkat and I both did."_

_Then I noticed the creature next to Darren. It was a Little Person, one of Desmond Tiny's creations. I remembered them from a short visit to the Cirque Du Freak._

_"The Little Person? He has a name?"_

_"Oh, yes. He can even speak. Well, sort of. His sentences are a little choppy, but he's getting better."_

_"Hello…Miss Sivia…it's a…pleasure…to meet you."_

_I turned to the Little Person, mouth agape._

_"Hello…Harkat. Pleasure to meet you as well."_

_"Sivia? You wouldn't mind showing Darren and Harkat to a room would you?" Larten asked. "I'm afraid we have some business to take care of tonight that would bore these two."_

_"Of course. I think that I might retire as well. Goodnight, Larten."_

_I lead Darren and Harkat out of the dining hall and towards the sleeping quarters._

_"You know Mr. Crepsley?" Darren asked._

_"Larten? I know Larten quite well. He knew my teacher and has known me ever since I was blooded. We're very close."_

_"Who was your teacher?"_

_"A man by the name of Vancha March. An amazing man, and an extraordinary vampire, he is. He's even a Prince."_

_"Will I get to meet him?"_

_"I'm afraid that's very unlikely. He rarely returns to Vampire Mountain. In fact, that's why I'm no longer with him. He likes to live in the woods, off the land. Once, while he was my teacher, we came here. The only problem was, when he wanted to leave, I didn't. So while he's out there somewhere, living in the wild, I'm here."_

_"Do you ever regret not leaving?"_

_"No. It was better for me to stay here. And if I hadn't, I never would have met Kurda."_

_"Oh."_

_We came to a door and I opened it._

_"This is where you'll both be staying." Darren saw the coffin and his face fell._

_"Not the coffin kind of guy, are you?" He shook his head._

_"I'll see if Seba has anything else. Unfortunately, you're stuck with the coffin tonight. If you need anything, just ask."_

_"Thank you, Sivia," Darren said._

_"Yes…thank you," Harkat added._

_"Anytime."_

_I shut the door and saw Kurda coming towards me._

_"What's wrong?"_

_"The Princes aren't going to like that Crepsley has blooded a child. I'm sure they're going to expect _me_ to do something about it."_

"Shh…" I placed my finger on his lips, "It'll be okay. For now, let's take Larten's advice and get some sleep. We'll deal with it in the morning."

I took him back to my room. Kurda looked around and climbed into the coffin against the back wall. I shut the door and joined him. We laid for a while like that in the darkness.

"I love you, Sivia," Kurda whispered.

"I love you, too." He tightened his hold on me.

"Always?" I nodded.

"Always."

I opened my eyes. It hurt, that memory. Kurda, before he betrayed us, before he was reduced to this… a tool of Desmond tiny.

And Larten. It hurt to remember him alive.

And then there was Darren. Once a small, scared child, he now stood in front of me, a strong, grown man. The child that I had met was now a Vampire Prince. And the Vampire Prince that I had once loved was now dead.

"Well, you'll all be off. I'll send you on your way before I finish my business here. But we must hurry, that dragon won't hold much longer." Tiny giggled. "See you all soon."

I blinked and was back at the Cirque. My head was spinning and my hands were shaking. Darren looked worriedly at me.

"Are you okay?"

"I…I'm not sure…" The shaking then spread to my legs and I collapsed. Darren caught me and held me up. As he carried me, I saw Mr. Tall walking towards us.

"I see you succeeded in your journey," he stated.

"Hello, Hibernicus," Harkat answered.

"Ah… as Kurda you always called me Hibernicus."

"You knew?"

"Yes, I knew. But don't look at me like that, Darren, because I couldn't have told you, anyway. You had to find out for yourself."

I looked at Darren and saw a mixture of hurt, anger, and confusion on his face. I grabbed his hand to comfort him. His face relaxed slightly and he looked at me and smiled.

"Needless to say, I'm sure you're all tired. You deserve a rest. You can tell everyone about your journey in the morning."

Darren, Harkat, and I walked to our bunks in silence. I was still shaking and holding onto Darren for support. He helped me through the doorway and over to my cot. I watched Darren and Harkat crawl into their hammocks. Within a few minutes, Harkat's snores pierced the silence.

I readjusted myself on the cot. I couldn't get comfortable. There was too much running through my head.

"Sivia?" Darren's voice broke through the snores.

"Yes?"

"You can't sleep, can you?"

"No," I sighed.

"I didn't think you'd be able to." I saw Darren's silhouette as he climbed out of his hammock and walked towards me.

"Would you like some company?" he asked while climbing into my cot with me. He lay down and wrapped his arms around me. It was a sweet gesture to comfort me, but I think he needed the comfort just as much. I placed my arms around him and laid my head on his shoulder. Then the tears spilled out all at once.

"Sivia…I'm so sorry. If I would have known, I would have never asked you to come with us. This is all my fault."

"No," I interrupted him, "I think I was meant to go. I needed the closure. If anyone's to blame, it's me."

He held on to me and wiped the tears from my cheeks.

"You…really loved him, didn't you?"

"More than anything. We were married, did you know that?" He shook his head. "Not many people did. He asked me the day before you returned from the forrest. He said he'd never felt this way about anyone, even when he was a mortal. We agreed to 20 years. It didn't seem very long, but we knew we'd renew it until the day we died. Then the next day -" My voice broke and I started crying again.

"I'm sorry… this is all my fault -"

"No," I interjected again, "if I were in your place, I would have done the same thing. Kurda betrayed us and that can't be forgiven. But I knew him as so much more than the Vampire Prince who betrayed the clan. And that's why it hurts so much. Because – I loved him."

"That was the past. You need to move on. Kurda would have hated for you to be distraught over him forever, especially with the task ahead of us."

"I know," I sighed.

"And I'll always be here for you, no matter what." He reached down and held my hand.

"I know." He kissed my forehead.

"Goodnight, Sivia."

"Goodnight, Darren."

"You're worried about Darren, aren't you?"

"Yes, but I can't help it. He's been gone for so long. And if he comes back, the Princes will surely kill him."

Kurda silenced me. "It'll be okay, I promise." He kissed me. "Now, I've got something to ask you."

"Really?" I teased.

He sat down and motioned for me to sit beside him. I looked into his eyes and saw he was serious. He took my hand in his and sighed.

"Sivia… I love you. I never thought I could feel this way about someone and then…I found you. You're beautiful, smart, and you challenge me. I feel on top of the world when I with you. I can honestly say that I've never felt this way about anyone, mortal or otherwise," he gulped and his nervousness began to show. "I guess what I'm asking you is – will you marry me?"

"Oh… wow… I… I mean, yes! Yes, of course I will!" I flung my arms around him and held him tighter than I ever had. He drew back slightly and kissed me, and I kissed him back, happier than I had ever been in my life.

Darren, Harkat, and I sat around the fire. We'd had a rough day. We had to run through the tale of our journey time after time. The first few times, I couldn't do it. It hurt too much. I just sat back and let Darren and Harkat talk. But then I remembered what Darren told me last night and eventually I could tell just as much of the story as they were.

"How're you feeling?" Darren asked.

"Better. A lot better. I think I can finally stop thinking about Kurda all the time. He's gone and I can accept that now. I'm ready to move on."

"That's good." He hugged me. "Are we finally going to have the old Sivia back?"

"Definitely." I smiled.

"So, Harkat, are you going by Kurda now?" Darren inquired.

He pondered this. After a few moments, he responded, "No. Kurda is who I was before. I wish to still be called Harkat. It's who I am now."

"How are you feeling now, Harkat?" I asked gently.

"I'm okay. I have all of Kurda's memories now -"

"All of them?"

"Yes – I think so."

I looked up worriedly. Harkat winked and smiled at me. I breathed a sigh of relief. Kurda's and my secrets were safe.

I sat and enjoyed the warmth of the fire while the boys sat and talked. Staring into the bright, bright flame…

"Darren, you failed your third trial. This means death."

"Please, just listen to me! Kill me if you must, but just hear me out first!"

Mika Ver Leth cleared out his throat. "Let the boy speak."

He burst out with it. "Kurda Smalt is a traitor to the Vampire Clan!"

This sent a ripple of chatter and gasps through the entire hall.

"Silence!" Mika shouted, "Darren what makes you think this?"

"I saw him meet with the Vampaneze! They met here, in the mountain, in one of the abandoned tunnels!" He breathed in deep and started again. "I saw him kill Gavner Purl."

Another wave of chatter started on this last line. I looked up at Kurda finally, hoping to get an answer. His face held a desperate kind of pleading look to it to it and his eyes read, "Please forgive me."

My head started spinning. Kurda, my Kurda, a traitor? How could he have done this?

"Kurda, no, please tell me this isn't true," I begged.

"Silence!" Mike bellowed again, "Kurda Smalt!"

The entire hall fell dead silent. Kurda gave me one last pleading look and whispered, "I'm sorry."

He turned away and his face changed. Suddenly he was serious and… almost…proud. He stood.

"Yes, my Prince?"

"Are these accusations true?"

"Yes," he said simply.

The hall became complete and utter chaos. I held onto the chairs on either side of me for support. My head was pounding and the room was spinning. I felt numb. I could feel the stares of everyone around me. I knew they were looking at me, thinking that I had something to do with this treason. I was going to be sick and I knew it.

I shoved my way through the hundreds of vampires around me. I couldn't breathe. I shoved open the door and fell to the ground. The tears were falling freely now and I had no control. I gasped for air.

How could he have done this to us? To me?

Gavner. Oh god. He killed Gavner. The sweetest, kindest person I knew had killed his own friend in cold blood. And the Vampaneze! He'd brought them here, to the mountain! Oh god. They were here now!

I had to do something. But I couldn't. I couldn't move. I just lay there sobbing.

The doors to the hall opened again and Larten Crepsley stood above me.

"Kurda has confessed. He's been sentenced to death, but he wants to see you first."

Larten helped me up as vampires began filing out of the hall. We walked through the crowd and walked back into the room. It was only Kurda, Mika, Darren, Larten, and myself.

"Sivia…" Kurda started softly, but I cut him off.

"Kurda…how could you?"

"I'm so sorry…" He looked sorry, too. He looked pathetic and helpless and it hurt to see him like that. I fell to the ground and held on to him. He put his arms around me as well.

"I did this for us, for the good of the clan. I thought you, of all people, would understand why I did this."

"Kurda…you killed one of our kind…you betrayed us…how am I supposed to understand why you did that?"

He looked at the ground and for the first time since I'd met him, I saw him start to cry.

"I guess you really can't can you?" He laughed pitifully, "I can't explain myself to you, Sivia. I love you. I'm so sorry."

I backed away and said nothing.

"Sivia…please…"

"Don't," I interjected as I looked away, "I'm sorry, Kurda."

The two vampires on either side of him grabbed him by the arms and lead him out the door. Larten, Mika, Darren. And I followed silently.

The doors opened. The halls were lined with thousands of vampires, screaming things at Kurda. When I looked up at him, his head was held high and his eyes were filled with pride.

We stopped at the execution room. The doors were opened and the halls went silent.

They lead Kurda to the cage from which he would be dropped onto ten-foot tall spikes. The cage from which he would fall to his death.

I watched him as the cage started to rise. The floor was released and Kurda screamed as he fell. I closed my eyes right before he hit.

"Sivia? Are you okay?" Darren asked.

I shook my head. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I was just…thinking."

"About what?"

"Nothing. It's nothing," I sighed. "So…where do we go from here?"

"What…do you mean?" Harkat wondered.

"What's next for us? Are we going back to the Mountain?"

Darren sat and thought about this. His face was full of concentration.

"I think…we'll stay here. For now. Eventually, we'll have to go back, but…let's just take some time away from the mission ahead of us."

I smiled. "I'm all for that."

Darren smiled and put his arm around my shoulder and I knew everything was going to be okay.

"I love you."

"Always?"

"Always."


End file.
